Chicken
Bawk Bawk Chicken strips dipped in ice cream is so fucking good because of several reasons. Picture this: you take your average every day crispy chicken strip and you take a long, sensual look at that crunchy, hot mother fucker. You take a bite of that chicken tendy and you think to yourself, "Hmm something is missing from this, but I don’t know what..." it’s hot, it’s crunchy, it’s got that nice seasoning that’s just a tad bit salty, and the overall texture is very solid and meaty because it’s fucking chicken I don’t need to elaborate on that, as long as you’re not vegan you know what a damn chicken tendy tastes and feels like, alright. You look over to your ice cream that you also ordered. Just a sweet, delicate little cup of vanilla ice cream with just a tad bit of caramel and chocolate bits in it because that is one of the most superior forms of ice cream, and salty caramel shit is my jam I do not want to hear any fucking complaining right now as you read this. You take a little spoonful of that delectable baby cup of delicious ice cream, and it is nice and cold, maybe a bit too cold for you who knows, sometimes if you aggressively go to get a spoonful of that shit it sends a little spike of chilling pain up your tooth canal -- but that is all part of the exhilaration of it all -- anyways, it is also nice and sweet very much like vanilla always fucking is -- I shouldn’t have to go over that for you, we all know how vanilla ice cream fucking tastes; however, it is still just Regular Ol’ Joe ice cream, so once again you are stuck there wishing for something more. What could this fucking champion of a cream be missing? Should you have gotten something other than ketchup? Did the store not have honey mustard? Who fucking knows. Long story short, you were missing some excitement in this meal of fries, chicken strips, and ice cream. After a few moments of contemplation and absentmindedly munching on your beautifully textured chicken tendy you realize... what if you combined the salty, warm, crunchy taste of your chicken strips with the cool, sweet, and smooth taste of your ice cream? Cautiously you take a fuckin’ chicken strip and dunk that hot motherfuck into a pool of cool sweet baby vanilla, all while your family stares at you in disbelief, and you take a bite of the drippin’ chick’n strip and your eyes fucking Open. Not just your everyday, average, normal two eyes that you use every day to see, and order chicken strips and ice cream -- your goddamn third eye fucking opens. All of your taste buds are stimulated at once, they are all having a fucking orgasm in your mouth as they bathe in that cold ice cream and are greeted with sweet crunchy chicken at the same time. "What the Fuck is going on?!?!" they all cry within your mouth. Sweet fucking heaven is going on, that’s what you little microscopic bitches. Stars are dazzling and exploding behind your eyes because they watched this whole orgy of flavors and textures go down, they felt that shit, man. Your family continues to stare at you in fear and admiration as they fucking realize that you’re a goddamn genius because of how many parts of your tongue are being stimulated by a Sweet and Delectable Mix of Sweet Salty, Cool and Hot, and Crunchy and Smooth shit -- all in under 30 seconds. "Holy God why hasn't anyone done this sooner," you think to yourself, but they have, your friends mom told you about an indie food place that had sold something like this but you've forgotten until just now, you fucking idiot. This is heaven and you just now realized it is real, you will go to church with your grandfather the following Sunday, but you won’t go Wednesday or the Sunday after that because you do not like being around old people or annoying christian kids that much. You look around at your family, your mother asks you, "What the fuck are you doing," No way in Hell did this Momma raise a fucking heretic who literally dumps their entire ass chicken tendy in a container full of ice cream, no way in Hell. But as you munch-and-a-crunch, the party fest partying on in your mouth, you are silent for a moment, savouring the moment to the fullest before replying, "I am living." This woman did in fact raise a fucking freak of nature -- but like a good freak, like a Genius Freak. You’re a straight A student for a reason. This is why. This only confused her and she continues to stare at you while you dip another chicken tendy into your ice cream and take a bite, leaning back and astral projecting in an empty Dairy Queen. This was all caught on the camera in the corner of the sophisticated restaurant. The feed from the camera will then be watched by all of the workers in the building, some will cry out, saying what you have done on camera is heresy, and they will try to turn you into the police. But they will be fired because the manager knows that you are in the right, and that you are the chosen one. Soon you will become the manager of all Dairy Queens and you will create a new item for the menu. It actually will just be a regular combo with Chicken Tendies and a Blizzard, but no one has to know that you are just charging extra money for something that can be ordered manually. Sometimes you have to roll with the evil and corrupt system that is known as capitalism. While also enjoying a Sweet n’ Salty Warm Hot Icy Patch Chicken Tendy Ice Cream. God Bless America. Sometimes.